Weekend Update

"I heard some things. Its not good." - Christopher Walken.
So they threatened to kick me out of the program Friday. I was ratted out for helping the Big Dog, as well as flying with Ed, and the company called me and chewed me out. They threatened to kick me out of the program for it. That was bad enough itself, but it also sorta served as the wind that pushed the wall over on top of me.
It reminded me that in this program, I'm just a number. A bottom line. That's pretty hard on your self-esteem, especially for a free spirited character like me. I'm a person!
Following that phone call, my whole world came crashing down on me. My self-doubt, my intense homesickness, not to mention the overwhelming intimidation based on the road ahead... It all came to a head and has haunted me every since. The last few days, as far as stress and anxiety are concerned, have been the worst for me since I left Atlanta. I haven't slept the last few nights and I've quit eating again. I can't help it, I just have no desire. I keep constant nausea and my chest feels tight all the time. I'm trying to make myself eat though. I never imagined that I would encounter this much stress, and the physical manifestations of it. This is killing me.
The upside is that I traveled to Montgomery to be with my grandpa this weekend, which is where I am now. In fact, I'm typing this on my telephone (yay technology). I love my grandpa dearly; he's my buddy. It's great to be with him, but unfortunately the weekend has been overshadowed by my constant stress. It also reminded me how much I miss my family, further exacerbating my homesickness. Unfortunate side effects.
It's an uphill climb, and I don't feel like I'm getting anywhere. I feel like I'm going to be here for an eternity. Plus, they're trying to end the things that give me the greatest enjoyment here. Frankly I'm just ready to go home.
I apologize for the melancholy tone of this post, but I did promise honesty. And that's honestly how I feel.


Carry on.

Joey